RavenKaldera.org » Transgender Archive » TransPersonal Columns



Disclaimer: These articles are historical documents. They were written in 2000-2004. The terminology and vocabulary used dates from that era, and was acceptable at that time. The descriptions of people and their interesting customs are descriptions of the east coast transgender communities that I hung out in at that time. If it doesn’t look like what you know today, that’s because it isn’t. I refuse to rewrite these documents because someday it will be important to have them available for historical reasons. In addition, I do not claim to be an academic or scholar, and I do not claim to speak for anyone except myself and all the transfolks who have given me permission to speak for them, which is quite a few. Have a nice day.




TransPersonal #5

How to Suck A Strap On
Originally published in Scarlet Letters, probably in 2002.

(This is Part Two of my two part series on little rubber thingies, OK?)

OK, you've tuned in and ten to one you're wondering who'd ever do a thing like sucking on a strap on dildo? After all, it's just a piece of rubber, right? Why bother? Well, first let's ask what sort of individuals generally use strap ons. As a leathercrafter who's been making custom harnesses for years, I've made them for the following sorts of individuals: Lesbians and bisexual women who want to pleasure their female lovers. Butch dykes (goes without saying). Heterosexual and bisexual women who want to pleasure male lovers who like anal penetration. Lesbian identified pre operative male to female transsexuals who want to strap back their existing (and often nonfunctional) genitals and use a strap on to pleasure their female lovers. And, of course, female to male (FTM) transsexuals and transgender folk of all kinds. And I'd say most of the above, at least, tell me they love getting their dicks sucked.

Having someone get down on their knees and blow you is a very special thing, and it packs a lot of psychological punch in this culture. Even if the individual in question can't come from it -- and it's not impossible; with a properly crafted harness, I certainly can -- the visuals alone are enough to get most people wet and dripping and hot to go on. It can also help a nervous beginner with their first cock feel more comfortable about using it.

The first time I strapped on a cock to pleasure a lover, I felt awkward, inexperienced, and a little silly. I was terribly worried I'd do it wrong, and it felt strange to be losing my virginity all over again at 25. Fortunately my lover (now my wife) was wonderful about it. It had never occurred to her to suck on a dildo (her other lovers had been standard men and women, I was her first FTM) but a friend had suggested it to her while we were shopping for the right size cock. I got hard on the spot just from the idea.

So, the first step: the harness. Most of the ones sold through mail order catalogs are lousy. Your best bet is to have one personally crafted, or if you're good with rivets and snaps, build it yourself. My most popular model is basically a G string of leather (although many prefer the jock strap model that leaves the anus uncovered) with an attached circular strap on the front of the leather triangle and a padded ridge just behind it on the inside. The cock holding strap should have several snaps so that it can expand to different widths; one of the wonderful things about "magic dick", as a friend of mine calls it, is the ability to come in many sizes and shapes. The ridge behind it, which I make out of padded leather, should be centered right where the cock is going to press, and it's a very individual thing. Obviously, we're suggesting that the wearer can get off by foreign object friction on their clitoris here, and not everyone can, but if you can it's well worth doing. Work with various shapes to see what settles comfortably between your labia and rubs just the right spot conical, ovoid, whatever. Since clitorises are lower on the groin than penises, this will probably mean that your cock sits a little lower than a flesh one, but I've never found that to be a problem.

Some women who don't get off well from friction have found that a small AA battery vibrator tucked into a built in pouch that fits between their labia works better than a solid piece. It's up to the wearer. There are also devices being sold now that consist of a double headed dildo bent at an angle, so that one end fits into the wearer's vagina and the other can be used to fuck with. However, everyone I've asked who's tested them says that as soon as the wearer gets wet and horny, they fall out. If you want to be penetrated while penetrating (a fun trick) use the G string style of harness and use it to hold in any dildoes or buttplugs you might desire.

And, of course, with all this I've been assuming that the wearer has female genitals. Note: I'm *not* assuming that they are female. FTMs aren't female, genitals or no. In fact, pre hormone FTMs should be warned that they'll probably need to get their harnesses reworked once the testosterone kicks in, because the clitoris changes a great deal. It swells to about an inch or inch and a half, about the size of the end joint of your thumb, and needs a very different kind of friction. Mine went from liking to be rubbed to wanting to be grabbed on the new shaft with thumb and finger and be yanked and/or firmly stroked. (And it wants to be sucked hard instead of licked.) The external skin became less sensitive, more like an actual penis (which it very much resembles now, only in miniature) and the internal erectile tissue became more sensitive to pressure.

Some FTMs have had luck with reworking the inner ridge to a donut like shape they could slide the new mini cock in and out of. Others have found that it responds well to being clamped at the base with a really wimpy clamp, like a very weakened clothespin or (the best) a test tube holder. Rather than hurting, this feels much like a cock ring would on a flesh penis, and they can be attached to the harness if you like. (To test clamps while standing in a store: clamp them on the skin between your thumb and forefinger. If it doesn't hurt in the least, it shouldn't hurt a thickened post testosterone mini cock.) Test tube clamps are about six inches long and can be jammed right into one of the hollow dildoes currently on the market (which are great for packing in your pants anyway), and then they only need a ring around the base of the cock and a strap around the waist to hold them in place, leaving the rest of the genitals free. I've found that the gentle pulling is maddeningly wonderful. I can't come that way, but it keeps me at a just preorgasmic plateau for a *long* time, which is its own reward.

OK, so now your lover's got the dick picked out and strapped on, and you're kneeling in front of him or her. What's going on in your (and his/her) head? Maybe s/he's thinking of hirself as male for the first time, playing with the idea as in a fantasy. (There's nothing like a dick to bring out the guy in someone, even in a very feminine woman.) Maybe s/he's thinking of hirself as female, but suddenly with a cock. I know one femme who likes to strap on and pretend she's a drag queen. People assume that women don't cross dress, but I've found that nothing could be further from the truth. Given a chance and a willing lover, many women will play with roles; it's just that finding lovers who will put up with FTM crossdressing is even harder than finding ones who will put up with MTF crossdressing. And if you've got an FTM transsexual in front of you, you can bet that cock feels like coming home and is pretty damned important to him.

Here I have to stop and put in an aside to men. Many men like to be assfucked, even straight guys, because let's face it, if it's done right it feels great. If you want your wife or girlfriend to assfuck you, it doesn't mean you're gay, it just means you like the sensation. (Of course, some of the men I'm talking to will be bisexual, and will simply laugh at this reassurance.) In fact, your lady may be pretty unsure about this whole strap on thing. Well, it's time for a dirty little secret: Lots and lots of heterosexual women have gay male fantasies. Probably just as many as men who have lesbian fantasies. At a recent erotica conference, one writer's panel was full of het women who write gay porn which editors market to het women as much as to gay men, and het women who loved it, drooled over it, and snapped it up. Many of them had drag queen fantasies, too. So if you can ease up on your "Dammit, I'm straight, dammit!" trip for just a few minutes in the privacy of your bedroom where nobody's gonna find out anyway, helping your lady to enact a fantasy like this can be fun. Or, as my wife said while I wrote this, "Anything that encourages suburban housewives to sodomize their husbands is a Good Thing."

So anyway, back to you on your knees. Take hold of the cock and stroke it like you would a flesh penis. Actually, this is that last time I'm going to use those last few words. From here on in that's exactly what you're going to treat it like. Let it become real in your mind. Lick your palm and slide it up and down the shaft while maintaining eye contact with your lover. Tell them that you love their cock and you want to make it feel good.

If they're a beginner, a cool thing to do is to stop and ask them to stroke it for you. Tell them, "I want to see you make it good and hard for me." If they're shy, take their hand and put it on the cock, cover it with your own and move it up and down the shaft until they get the idea. Then stop and let them keep going. Stare at the cock and imagine it inside you. Lick your lips. "Yeah, baby, get it good and hard, yank that dick." Ten to one, by now, they're getting into it. If their hips start moving, it's working.

Now lean forward and put your lips around the end of the cock. With a strap on, as opposed to a flesh dick, you're going for two things: visuals and rhythmic pressure. That basically means we're talking deep throating here. Luckily "magic dick" comes in lots of sizes, including smaller ones you should be able to take into your mouth easily. Borrow it first to practice with at home if you're not sure you can do it.

Start slow. Tease them. Give your throat a long slow trip down that cock until your lips touch the harness. If you're worried about them thrusting, grab their hips or asscheeks to hold them still. Stay down there as long as you can and then come up. Now start a rhythmic in out on the upper half of the shaft. If you absolutely can't take using your throat, put your hand around the base of the cock and press in time to your shallow in out on the head.

(This is, of course, all assuming that you're not in the middle of an SM scene, tied up and on your knees in front of an experienced top, in which case you'd better just open your throat, get your gag reflex out of the way, and accept a battering.)

Pay attention to how their pelvis is thrusting. If it isn't, they may not be enjoying it as much and you might want to stop and ask if everything's OK. If your lover is OK with having their cunt touched (some FTMs aren't) put a finger up under the strap and see if you can inch it in. One dyke I know likes to get practically fisted standing up while having her cock sucked. In the early stages, stop periodically and lick up and down the shaft. No, they can't feel it, but it's done for visuals, so make a good show of it. Be dramatic.

If you can stand it, in the later stages, if your lover can come this way, you'll want to let them fuck your mouth with their own rhythm. Tell them, "Grab my head, honey, fuck my mouth, do it baby," and then try to open your throat. If need be, you can bite down on it to keep it from going too deep, although if you leave too many deep teeth marks in someone's precious cock they may not be too pleased with you later.

This can end one of two ways: either they come (and you'd better be prepared for a few hard thrusts and/or some grinding deep in your throat) or they don't come, in which case just turn sideways and drop to all fours, offering the hole(s) at your other end, and it'll go on from there.

Have a good time and make sure to tell your friends about it, too.



Disclaimer: These articles are historical documents. They were written in 2000-2004. The terminology and vocabulary used dates from that era, and was acceptable at that time. The descriptions of people and their interesting customs are descriptions of the east coast transgender communities that I hung out in at that time. If it doesn’t look like what you know today, that’s because it isn’t. I refuse to rewrite these documents because someday it will be important to have them available for historical reasons. In addition, I do not claim to be an academic or scholar, and I do not claim to speak for anyone except myself and all the transfolks who have given me permission to speak for them, which is quite a few. Have a nice day.